Saturday, October 31, 2009


I had a strange dream yet again.... I was laying in my parents bed with my mom and but it felt like I was younger, but the bed is well after I was older, and my dad comes in and gets into bed and asks if I have a headache I nod yes then try to move away from dad, and closer to mom and I settle down for the night curled in the middle, like a young child... I don't know what any of that means... I hate these dreams...

Sunday, October 25, 2009

October 24th

Okay so on October 24Th, yes I know that was yesterday, my brother Marcus would have been 20 years old, I can't believe it has been 20 years sometimes I still feel like that little girl with her head buried in her dad's side watching the burial of her brother, I was 6 and I remember the funeral home I refused to go up to see him my mom asked a few times, I said no each time, I remember the pain, I saw the tears in everbodys eyes, I remember what dad was wearing that stupid tan jacket, how I hated that jacket, it had so many happy and so many sad memories, I remember being cold but dad didn't have a coat, but mostly remember dad holding me, I don't have that this year and it is making it a harder time, the memories and the nightmares, I never I imaged, not having him around on this day, and it hurts worse.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Hearts Desire

Can't you see me in the eyes of the moon

Can't you feel me in the burn of the sun

Can't you see that we all become dust

Can't you feel the power between us

Can't you see your hearts desire

Can't you feel my hearts fire

Can't you see me in the eyes of the moon

Can't you feel me in the burn of the sun

Can't you see the void without me

Can't you feel that we are meant to be

Can't you see I was created for you

Can't you feel my words are true

Can't you see me in the eyes of the moon

Can't you feel me in the burn of the sun

Can't you see I may have left this world


Can't you feel me in your hearts fold

Eclipse and Breaking Dawn

Okay I am doing these both together okay so Eclipse I give a C- and Breaking Dawn and D+, now why okay so in Eclipse it allowed me not to be bored, Alice gave me entertainment, and the concessions made by the main charactors are very interesting. Now Breaking Dawn... I got bored in parts... I don't like being bored... but I am glad it had a happy ending so to say but really would it be so hard to have death in this one there was in the others :( some drama is good.... I like drama... or and the leaders in these books really cowards, bring them on! And come on imprinting on Bella and Edward's daughter really.... how is that going to work! A half vampire (another issue of mine a vampire is the living dead they can not reproduce!) and a werewolf? Don't get but at least she ties up a lot of loose ends better then some books do, even if it took a whole book to do so!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

The Strange Dreams Are Back

The strange dreams are back, I was getting engaged, the ring was different lots of stones sapphire opal ruby blue topaz a pink stone, but that was just one ring I didn't wear it so much, but the other was long and pretty I wore it all the time on my pinkie it covered the pinkie it was gold spiral with pretty stones on it, I liked this ring so much I wore this one the other I kept under something in the china closet, my dad was there and I remember showing him the ring and telling him I was going to get married we were standing by the kitchen doorway in my house, then I was working at a school, I was a counsel? but they kept sending someone to my office to talk with them then I walk out with someone I don't know who it felt like Marshall but wasn't and I asked them if they were going to stop sending them to my office, i saw a car it had my family in it at first I thought dad was driving but as I got closer it was mason and mick was standing outside it talking to mom in the passenger sit, them I woke up. Somewhere before leaving the school I ran into someone I know from grade school Belinda was here name and I told her I was getting married I was about to leave the school it was dark in the school and I showed her the ring on my pinkie.

Monday, October 19, 2009

New Moon Book

Okay so I said I wasn't going to do this but I am going though these books really fast, Okay New Moon Grade C- Why? I like Alice forget the whole sparkly vampire thing Alice is funny again sparkly vampire thing not good, but forgiveable this time because of Alice, the werewolves not too far off from many many Native American legends, did some research even the 2 tribes, my ansestors come from had stories smilar to the werewolves in this book so I am okay with it, but the sparkly vampires can't find them, found something like them except the sparkle aspect more like sun drains them of thier energy so still vampires are not completely forgiven, only Alice is. But this had an okay plot, I was getting bored with Bella trying to hurt herself but then Alice saves the day with a untrue vision YAY!!! Action in the book, at this point Edward thinks Belle has passed on and wants to die and goes to the royal vampires (many myths have them so okay and many myths have them with powers as well so ok) but still issues with the sparkle thing and come on Belle really you have Jacob being all nice and waiting and you forgive Edward like he did nothing wrong really make him work for it you are destorying woman every where I like that there is not much with the sparkle going on with this book maybe Eclipse will have a forgiveable note but not anticipating it so and I have a feeling the movie will get in F... sorry movie...

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Again I Look Towards The Sky,

Wishing For Raindrops To Fall And Mix With The Tears I Cry.
Just a random quote today people, but I have been thinking I like to research the myth and legends of creatures I am thinking about going to see if I can get a degree in folklore, and then maybe teach that would be great, or maybe get a degree in legal studies and then off to law school... I don't know wish something would just show me a sign what I should do, where I should be, I feel like I am lost in the woods, with no place to go.

Here I Sit In The Woods
Contemplating My Moods
Again I Look Towards The Sky
Wishing For Raindrops To Mix With The Tears I Cry
I Feel Lost No Place To Go
I feel so Cold Down To My Core
I Am Looking For A Sign
That My Future Is Mine
I Must Find This Sign
But First I Must Leave The Woods Behind

Saturday, October 17, 2009


Okay so I have an issue with Twilight most who know me know I am obsessed with vampires, but don't know how much, I have read almost every vampire book, research the folklore on them, if I could I would become an expert in vampires, werewolves, and other things... anyways the book and the movie, (yes I finished them back off you can't review something if you don't read or watch it, which means you can't belittle it or burn it!) The movie gets an F sorry I just can't give something good grade if they can't at least somewhat keep to the books main points, they interpreted a lot in the movie, and some scenes may have been better left alone enough said on that, did not like the movie, but others out there did. (I will get to the vampires in a moment calm down). Okay the main thing that gets me (in the book and the movie another reason the movie gets in F) and why I give the book a D+, the vampires... no where I mean nowhere... are there vampires who sparkle, I can forgive the fact that they come out in the sun, some very good books and movies allowed them to, and a lot of folklore give it to the pale skin why they can not come out and it diminished their powers, research it if you don't believe me, I can even forgive the rip off parts from other movies, books, and other media matrial but what I can't is that the sun does nothing to them but make them sparkle in this book and movie... can't stand it, and really the characters in the book a million times better then in the movie, I can almost stand the book, but some part of me can't get past the who destroying the myth of the vampire thing, I mean I have researched a lot of myths, on creation, on how they live, but come on make them sparkle? Vampires should have a fear factor about them, and the sparkle thing just wants to make me laugh at the stupid stupid vampire... vampires should as I said have some fear factor about them, not that they can't be funny, but really how can you fear that? Other then that if you take out that stupid part, the story line is the basic for most recent vampire loves a human story line, with a few complications, like come on, you say you love this girl but you don't want to be with her forever?????? Turn her end of story, anyways as a pro I guess you could say the story line does seem to flow with a few key action parts, so if you can forget about the rip off parts, and the sparkle factor you may have a couple of hours of entertainment, but buy in hardcover, spend the 7 on the paper back if you want to buy other then that checkout at the library or borrow a copy! Also I will not grade or write about New Moon until after the movie comes out, I will do both the movie and book at the same time for this again, please do no take offense but I have strong opinions and they are going to get on peoples' nerves.


Overall grade: C+
Okay, so zombieland is funny, I don't care who you are if you don't laugh at least once in this movie see a shrink okay! But the plot was kinda missing you never know what really happens at the end of a zombie movie, but come on, you should have some type of plot point, that is what I really miss out of a lot of zombie movies, yes, it is fun to go out and watch people kill zombies using funny objects but still you can only see it a few times before you wonder where the plot went to... but this one did have a quest so a plus! I would say go see it even if for these two words Bill Murry... won't say anymore, but funny!


Okay so here is the deal I am going to be review things books movies when ever I see one or finish one... now here is the thing some ground rules so to say I will not review something I have not read or watched, if you want to comment please make sure you know what you are talking about, I will give a grade based on my point of view, you do not have to agree with it I wouldn't want you too, I will not describe the book or movie, I will give a couple pros a couple cons and a grade nothing fancy something for a person to think about really that is is I have been know to be harsh so really don't take offense or start commenting about my lack of taste or what not, I gave Stars Wars a D, the new Star Trek Movie a C+ okay so I am harsh deal with it, I look at stuff as a whole as well as separately look forward to the first review!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009


Okay so last night I had a dream i can't remember, but get this tonight... or this morning what ever I have been dozing, headache, but get this okay first I dreamt I dreamt of a bat, okay I was in my parents bed? I don't know because it looked like my parents room and bed but the curtains were not, anyways I hear a squeek squeek, I pull back the curtain and there is a huge ass bat, okay so I "wake" up go down and tell Matt my brother, now I know I am in my house, and tell him I dreamt of this huge bat go up and check with a flash light (I don't know why we just didn't turn on the light, so anyways next dream was that I was with my family some type of genetic genius okay and I did this thing where it mutated people into creatures, well this one guy found out injected himself with the stuff, and refused to take the antidote, well anyways there was a boy out there who was infected, and I had to get these pills to him, now my lab at the hospital (I am guessing... was like Spores but like 3D and I could make people into those creatures!) So I run out no car keys nothing to get to this I escape this mad man that I have security to go help my mom! now I get to this store it is raining yes raining at first it is like target or something inside but it isn't it is a grocery store, well this is a little piece of paper that has four obituaries on it, the one I saw was Don Knots died at 61 or 81 on Nov 1st or Dec 1st but he is already dead yes I know, anyways I run into this person I know she use to be my neighbor, Carrie she is shopping, anyways I tell her I am some type of genetic genius and ask to use her car, my phone vibrates but I have a old phone of mine the little gray one my second with US Cellular, anyways I try to call on it and it gives that message you need a major cc or whatever okay, but the funny thing is I am in our 93 white and blue huge passenger van but I don't have the keys, I had asked to borrow Carrie's car when I was leaving, so after I mess with the van get in check the mirror in the visor, I find Carrie's car, it is like a Lamborghini!, anyways I have issues driving it and go though roads go though grass miss trees, all without an issue, but I get to the highway I see mom and Mick ahead of me in the truck there is a toll we stop I yell to mom I am right behind them to pay for me, and then I pull up and stop and the toll lady says the don't normally let people do that but she will make the exception and has me sign something with my inatials something and then I wake up! Okay so I am weird I know this but I am typing it now so I don't forget ! Later

Monday, October 12, 2009


My Dad and I When I Was A Baby

No Dreams

Okay so I have not had anymore more dreams I don't know if that is good or bad... sometimes, I forget the pain them I will turn around and it is back. everything reminds me of my dad, he should be here, he shouldn't have died.... Why did God take my dad, I know everything happens for a reason but why... I want to know now not down the road!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Dreams.... Again!

I had a dream last night or it seemed like one I really can't remember seeing anything but I remember talking to my dad... he asked me a question we are talking about mom I said no that was my answer and then he asked why should you? Then I woke up...

Friday, October 9, 2009


Mom bought me Season 4 of BONES!!!!!!! I get to go home and watch the new show tonight, and Eastwick and Modern Family and FlashFoward and Cougertown and... DOLLHOUSE!!!!!!! I have to buy season one of that.... I am hoping for a few good days of weather so they can put dad's stone in... it is weird having to worry about that... there was oatmeal raisin cookies today I grabed one for dad to take home... he loved those cookies and anytime I found them I would grab at least one for him... I go in to Kwik Star and stop myself from buy lotto scratch tickets I would buy them for him all the time, I can't actually believe I am saying this but I miss the smell of his cigarettes, I would be buying him peeps and those peanut butter kisses... all this halloween candy... I try to go aobut my day as normal but it is hard and nothing will be normal again... anyways still no understanding about my weird dreams... and they are weird....

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Dreams And What They Mean

I don't know what my dream was about the other night (Tuesday) but it has been bothering me it was so real, dad came back I hugged him he felt like he did at the funeral home, cold so cold, he was sitting on the couch, I was happy to see him we all were but we were so angry at him, I could feel the anger inside of me, when I woke up I could still feel him and that anger I had towards him in the dream... it doesn't make since what could it mean, I won't even go into the other dream I had that night that was just very weird.... if anybody can interpret dreams let me know what it could mean, I have gone though my anger stage that is why I don't understand this dream, that is the first stage I went though....

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Camp Lejeune

The military has poisoned the marines that were stationed in Camp Lejeune... and they won't help them, there are 20 men from Camp Lejeune that have breast cancer some without health insurance and the government that these men fought for, won't help them at all!!!! The government has to own up to its mistakes!!!!! The water was contaminated they knew about it in the 60's but it was 85 before they stopped using the water!!!!!! And these men as well as everyman that lived there has to pay the price, from research done on this not only the men that developed breast cancer was effected but it shortened the lives of other marines it is effecting their children and grandchildren, it is effecting the nation, most marines go though Camp Lejeune!!!! Call your congressman and sentor and tell them the government has to own up to their mistakes and take care of the men that served at Camp Lejeune and all the men and women who serve this country of our!!!!!


Last night Kim, Mom and I were talking about guys... go figure me and my sister talking about guys but, mom asked if we met anybody chase worthy... both of us answered no... I don't know if my sister was telling the truth but me I haven't found anybody, I will know him when I met him but first I have to met him... I want a man with blue eyes, dark hair, kind, loyal, wouldn't hurt if he was in the military, respectful, sweet, manly, smart, doesn't smoke, or drink to much... anyways I had a messed up dream, Mick picked me up in his truck and the door wouldn't close then we were driving up the bridge across downtown and then we ran into people!!!! they were sitting out partying so we got out found mom under the bridge (it was kind of rainy) and I went up the were offering green beer and lager, but I didn't take any, there was these food contests, I was in the kitchen somehow and there was a guy who was going to do something with his baby (have her be his sous chef) but she couldn't do it and brought her in the kitchen and he changed his shirt, there was chocolate with strawberries, and other fruit, I some of that then some m&ms that I dipped in chocolate then ate, then a man came up and started talking to me then I woke up... freaky....oh and somewhere in the middle of this I was searching for something and climbing on poles in front of people climbing on these not very study sets, and doing a tight rope type walk on a pole with only another pole to hang on to... there was a very far fall, but then I got to a certian point I guess I found what I was looking for I jumped down then went back to mom and then went to the crowd ending up in front of the contestents then ending up in the kitchen then eatting the chocolate covered treats, but the guy who came up and talked to me I think was one of the contestents... hmmm..... thinking..... what does it all mean....

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Something Evil This Way Comes

Funny how things get stuck in you head like a saying in a move like Something Evil This Way Comes... you could be sitting there thinking about light bulbs (talking to a guy asking for a light bulb) and then poof... it pops into your head... very evil...I HATE MY PHONE... it dies like after a few hours always having issues... all for a touch phone... should have stayed with my 4 year old razor... it still works but with no service....

Friday, October 2, 2009

You've Got To Stand For Something...

Or You Will Fall For Anything... the Aaron Tippen song is going though my head, lately music has just been flowing though my head, but I can't bring my self to listen to the music I love, me and dad loved the same type, though I liked a few more types... You know you have to to stand for something, you have to stand up for what you believe or people will suck you into a trap that you will never get out... I am going though a bit of writers block the only thing helping me get though some of these down times was typing out my story I wrote, but now that I have typed the story I wrote on paper almost completely, I can't seem to continue I have about 20 pages... but I don't know what should come next now that my team is going to go back home for the holidays... It is fall now... starting to get cold... I don't like the cold... Dad's stone is in, they can't set it until the weather breaks and as long as there is no frost... I am buying plots next to mom and dad.... kind of weird.... you know my big fear was losing them at the same time and I thought that was the way it was going to be, losing dad now was not what was suppose to happen it was suppose to be after I was older... after he was older... I also haven't bought anything but powerball since he passed except for shortly after I bought 1 I don't know why but I haven't since... I use to buy them all the time those scratch tickets... and joke when he was old and senile he would only go ticket when I came by... he wouldn't remember anything else just ticket... you never know what you will miss until you miss it, it is all those small things you barly noticed that you took for granted that you miss most of all, those everyday small things are the things you miss the most... You know things happen for a reason but only God can tell us what that reason is... I want to know now...anyways.... I was planing a trip... I was planning a big Chrismas... now now I am planing nothing.... Who wants to go to Vegas next year... I am going for a week for my birthday!!!!!