Tuesday, December 29, 2009


There are a lot of weird dreams I have had this year, a few nights ago I dreamt I lost my sister, I was siting going though a bin of clothes of hers crying saying she always wore clothes to small for her, the lost was so pronounced that I jerked away and had to check to see if she was okay, I can't lose someone else I just lost my dad, I can't lose her or anybody else in my family now, I don't know if my heart and mind can take another hit for a long long time. Then last night I had a dream were in a mall in Iowa City I left to get mom something to eat from our store? but the closed the place in the dream I remembered a dream were me and Kim went to a bar and had a steak and a beer, then I was walking with my cousin in the closed place the closed mall telling him I bought the mall for mom so we could make a go, then I said I had to go then I met this kind outside it was in Iowa City across from the Pentacrest, but he was a small kid I picked him up and asked him if he wanted an arcade in the mall, I asked him why he was so sad and he said nobody wanted him, I asked him if it was because he was autistic I told him I would adopt him, that I cared and wanted him, then he said he was with his mom then I was in front of all these old machines where you put quarters in you now all those old Flinstone ones with the car and Fred in it and we are putting quarters and nickels and getting silly little prizes then we get a t shirt it says something but I don't know then the next thing I know the child his gone this pretty child who I could tell I loved, is gone and I am going though a container in the house it has a lot of football bears blankets and t shirts, and then I wake up.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Almost Christmas

I don't really care but I try to keep things normal for my siblings... which is me usally stressed about what to by them, I have all but Mickey done now, he is always the hardest to buy for I was going to buy him some boots but they were discontinued so now I have to thing of something else before Friday. It is a hard month for my family dad would have been 51 on Dec 4Th, my mom's mom died 30 years ago on the 6Th, my dad's parents died 35 years ago on the 24Th, Mitchell would have been 19 on the 19Th, I wish December would have just stayed away. I think December is the worse month of the year, lets see Jan my cousin Aaron his birthday is the 3rd that is it. February my maternal grandfather passed away on the 13Th in 1999, March my brother Marshall's birthday is the 15th my mom's on the 23rd and my brother Matt's on the 31st, April my parents anniversary on the 25th, May nothing June nothing ( I like those months) July my brother Mason's birtday on the 29th, Aug my dad passed away on the 15th 2009, September my birthday on the 14th my sister Kim's birthday on the 8th my brother Mickey's birthday on the 12th and Martin's (my brother) his brithday would be the 17th, October Marcus's (my brother) birthday would be on the 24th, Nov my aunt Pam's birthday on the 2nd my cousin Darby's on the 12th and my uncle Mark's birthday on the 22nd, and Dec well I gave that list above, so you see if may didn't have memorial day it would be a nice month, but June is my favorite, nothing to worry about nothing bad happened, and it is still not too hot outside!

Saturday, December 19, 2009

December 19th

Today my brother Mitchell would be 19, I can't believe it was nineteen years ago at midnight. Mom doesn't think I think about or care or care about my dad she is wrong but I hide so many of my thoughts and feelings away until they burst but I cry all the time when I am alone, people don't need to see my pain, mom doesn't need to see my pain. I remember Aaron babysitting, I remember staying up and watching Cinderella or some Disney movie, knowing that mom and dad when to have another baby then I remember mom coming home crying. I can't blame my parents for not liking the holidays, anyways later.

Monday, December 14, 2009


Christmas is coming up quickly and I can't believe it and the hole in our family is more pronounced I actually had to stop myself from crying, I was thinking about what to buy everybody and I realized that I really want nothing to do with this Holiday this year, it hurts to much, you know my favorite Christmas gift ever, the one I remember more then anything was the kitchen set that my dad made me, I don't know how old I was but we had it for years and I thought it was the best thing in the world, better then the one on TV that I asked for it was huge it have a counter a sink a stove a microwave a fridge I wish I still had it, it was the best gift ever in my memory the one I remember the most out of all the gifts I have ever got in my life, I can't even tell you what I got last year, I insist on buying gifts this year to me it is one thing normal for me to spend money on my siblings and get them something they want it just gives me one thing that is normal, in this one huge messed up world.

weirdest dream ever

Okay so I was out at the cold I was stuck in the snow by a car there was another person but I faked dead or something and they took his body away then I asked someone for help he was a solider. Then I was in a building sitting by the door but then a guy came by his foot was wrapped very tight he couldn't move well I told him to sit down and put him on my lap then he was a young boy i told him if he ripped it just right a little bit it would loosen it enough to move well and heal the injury then he got up and said thanks dad and then walked out then another man said that I didn't belong there it was like a military place and then I stood up and said I will tell you exactly why I belong here then I started walking to him and then I woke up. I tell you it was the weirdest dream ever!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

December 4th

December 4th... Yesterday my dad would have been 51, there was so many things I would have bought him or wanted to buy him, actually since I would have saved up a lot more money thing I have I would have given him either the special editon beatles set for his birthday or christmas and the record to cd recorder for the other, mom would have gotten a mother's ring, I would have actually most likely have given him the record to cd recorder for his birthday because then he could have the song Ain't No UFO Going to Catch My Disel on a cd since was going to drive a semi, instead it was flowers on his grave, and christmas is coming up I know dad never liked christmas he put on his show for us kids, this year he is with his parents and my brothers but it doesn't stop me from wishing I could go back to Aug 15th and do something so he was here today.... anyways later

Thursday, December 3, 2009

New Moon Movie

I give it a D. Why well they kept the key points of the book it could have been better, I like the wolves, but really Bella just forgives a man who said he didn't want her and went off WTF! Seriously run off and forgive the piece of crap when she had Jacob all nice and warm for her not cold and dead! If he wanted to be with Bella just stay with her and turn her end of story, ugh, seriously I think my issue is more with Bella and her weakness then it is with the sparkling vampires, Bella annoys me to no end!

Friday, November 27, 2009


I had some strange dreams but the one that is sticking with me is that I called dad one night I was off work he came and picked me up I was happy when I called him, and heard his voice, he was mad at me though or something something with Kim something I did wrong? or maybe something I didn't do for Kim, I don't remember much just the feelings and him picking me up.


I have had a lot of strange dreams but the one I remember these last few days is that I got off work one night and called dad I was happy when I called him and heard his voice, he came and picked me up but he was mad at me something I did wrong or something I didn't do it had to do with my sister Kim I am not really sure, I just remember the feelings mostly guilt, pain, happiness.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Vampire Academy

I read this book in one day, it has been awhile since I have done that of course it has been awhile since I had time to do that, but I give the book a solid B, here is why it kept my interest, I had no reason to scan the pages, and go forward like I do with most books (some are long winded) but the characters I like, Rose and Lissa, and then of course their love interests... hmmmm... anyways I know it is a book for a younger audience, I say high school (there is some adult content!) but since it is a quick read it is good for anybody who is on a busy schedule, this book did good on some of the ancient myths about living vampires and undead vampires, as well as guardians of said vampires, very good about them being half breeds (I did research on this when BloodRayne came out)... so not to upset about any myths here but some could have been explained better.... The second book gets a D+ it kept my interest for a bit, the 3rd book an F could not finish it it was kinda stupid, couldn't hold a person's interest at all.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Fablehaven Book 4 SPOILER

Okay so Gavin was the bad guy... that kinda sucks for poor Kendra not sure how I feel about that but the new dragon the cute one named Raxtus, I like him he at Gavin (which was the evil dragon!!!!) Anyways I give the book a C+, since I don't really like the ending but book 5 which will be the last should be interesting!!! But this book starts out with Seth and his family thinking Kendra is dead!!!! But she is not she is fine, and Seth is a Shadow Charmer, and Kendra FairyKind and when they hold hands they can talk to dragons without fear!!! Anyways enough about the book people should read them, they are for a younger audience but then again so is Harry Potter and adults like those books.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009


Again a weird dream were were at a store, and there as a kid that was going to be taken away by social services, I told them I would take the kid they said okay so I took the kid, then there was a little bike and then put the child on it, and he laid down, it was like a motocycle bike, I said no that is not right, then I am pushing him down the asles in the store, then dad was there, then I was at home and I saw dad change from the way he felt in his casket to being normal and I asked him if he was cold, if he was scared and he said no everything is fine, then we were at the cememtary then dad's grave was dug up and the casket was open and then he was sitting there shaking his head... then I woke up.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

I should be hiding in a corner

With all the pain that inside me

But here I sit trying to hide the pain in my voice

But here I stand trying to hide the pain in my eyes

I need you here by my side

Why did he have to take you

Didn't he see how much we needed you

I should be hiding in a corner

With all the pain that is inside of me

Yet here I set going about my day

Trying to hide the pain in my voice

Trying to hide the pain in my eyes

People think I'm fine but they don't see me at night

They don't see the true depth of my pain

We need you here by our sides

Why did he have to take you away

I want to be hiding in that that corner

To hide all the pain I have inside

But instead I go about my day

Hiding the pain in my eyes

Hiding behind a smile that is fake

Hiding the pain in my voice

By forcing myself to laugh

Io here I sit trying to hide the pain in my voice

And Here I stand trying to hide the pain in my eyes

I still don't know why he had to take you away

When you should be here standing by our side

Fablehaven Books 1-3

No I know these are for a younger audience but they really are intresting... better then Harry Potter, though sometimes the book could get long winded, but still intresting to read... it has dragons, faries, trolls, brownies, nipsies, and other magical creatures and nice plot point, a bad guy nobody knew was bad, a couple of kids that fix the problems they cause, and a couple of good guys trying to save the preserves of magical creatures, I give the books as follows Book 1 I give an C+, Book 2 I give a C and Book 3 I give a B-.

All Saints Day All Souls Day

Today is All Saints Day and tomorrow is my aunts birthday as well as All Souls Day, it is another day we honor the dead. I am suppose to go to mass tomorrow at Columbus for the All Souls Day Mass, but I don't know it hasn't even been 3 full months yet since I lost my father, and time seems to go buy so slow and so fast tat the same time, like it is November all ready and I can't believe that, and then of course it feels like I am frozen in time because of the pain I feel and I try to hide it, and most of the time I do good at hiding the pain, people don't want to see that, they treat you different. You know I stopped and had some thoughts the other day, if I was working at GMAC still on that horrible day I would have been working until 2 that day, I would have lost out on that day with dad, of course I would have also been fired for taking 2 weeks off. Well later.

Saturday, October 31, 2009


I had a strange dream yet again.... I was laying in my parents bed with my mom and but it felt like I was younger, but the bed is well after I was older, and my dad comes in and gets into bed and asks if I have a headache I nod yes then try to move away from dad, and closer to mom and I settle down for the night curled in the middle, like a young child... I don't know what any of that means... I hate these dreams...

Sunday, October 25, 2009

October 24th

Okay so on October 24Th, yes I know that was yesterday, my brother Marcus would have been 20 years old, I can't believe it has been 20 years sometimes I still feel like that little girl with her head buried in her dad's side watching the burial of her brother, I was 6 and I remember the funeral home I refused to go up to see him my mom asked a few times, I said no each time, I remember the pain, I saw the tears in everbodys eyes, I remember what dad was wearing that stupid tan jacket, how I hated that jacket, it had so many happy and so many sad memories, I remember being cold but dad didn't have a coat, but mostly remember dad holding me, I don't have that this year and it is making it a harder time, the memories and the nightmares, I never I imaged, not having him around on this day, and it hurts worse.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Hearts Desire

Can't you see me in the eyes of the moon

Can't you feel me in the burn of the sun

Can't you see that we all become dust

Can't you feel the power between us

Can't you see your hearts desire

Can't you feel my hearts fire

Can't you see me in the eyes of the moon

Can't you feel me in the burn of the sun

Can't you see the void without me

Can't you feel that we are meant to be

Can't you see I was created for you

Can't you feel my words are true

Can't you see me in the eyes of the moon

Can't you feel me in the burn of the sun

Can't you see I may have left this world


Can't you feel me in your hearts fold

Eclipse and Breaking Dawn

Okay I am doing these both together okay so Eclipse I give a C- and Breaking Dawn and D+, now why okay so in Eclipse it allowed me not to be bored, Alice gave me entertainment, and the concessions made by the main charactors are very interesting. Now Breaking Dawn... I got bored in parts... I don't like being bored... but I am glad it had a happy ending so to say but really would it be so hard to have death in this one there was in the others :( some drama is good.... I like drama... or and the leaders in these books really cowards, bring them on! And come on imprinting on Bella and Edward's daughter really.... how is that going to work! A half vampire (another issue of mine a vampire is the living dead they can not reproduce!) and a werewolf? Don't get but at least she ties up a lot of loose ends better then some books do, even if it took a whole book to do so!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

The Strange Dreams Are Back

The strange dreams are back, I was getting engaged, the ring was different lots of stones sapphire opal ruby blue topaz a pink stone, but that was just one ring I didn't wear it so much, but the other was long and pretty I wore it all the time on my pinkie it covered the pinkie it was gold spiral with pretty stones on it, I liked this ring so much I wore this one the other I kept under something in the china closet, my dad was there and I remember showing him the ring and telling him I was going to get married we were standing by the kitchen doorway in my house, then I was working at a school, I was a counsel? but they kept sending someone to my office to talk with them then I walk out with someone I don't know who it felt like Marshall but wasn't and I asked them if they were going to stop sending them to my office, i saw a car it had my family in it at first I thought dad was driving but as I got closer it was mason and mick was standing outside it talking to mom in the passenger sit, them I woke up. Somewhere before leaving the school I ran into someone I know from grade school Belinda was here name and I told her I was getting married I was about to leave the school it was dark in the school and I showed her the ring on my pinkie.

Monday, October 19, 2009

New Moon Book

Okay so I said I wasn't going to do this but I am going though these books really fast, Okay New Moon Grade C- Why? I like Alice forget the whole sparkly vampire thing Alice is funny again sparkly vampire thing not good, but forgiveable this time because of Alice, the werewolves not too far off from many many Native American legends, did some research even the 2 tribes, my ansestors come from had stories smilar to the werewolves in this book so I am okay with it, but the sparkly vampires can't find them, found something like them except the sparkle aspect more like sun drains them of thier energy so still vampires are not completely forgiven, only Alice is. But this had an okay plot, I was getting bored with Bella trying to hurt herself but then Alice saves the day with a untrue vision YAY!!! Action in the book, at this point Edward thinks Belle has passed on and wants to die and goes to the royal vampires (many myths have them so okay and many myths have them with powers as well so ok) but still issues with the sparkle thing and come on Belle really you have Jacob being all nice and waiting and you forgive Edward like he did nothing wrong really make him work for it you are destorying woman every where I like that there is not much with the sparkle going on with this book maybe Eclipse will have a forgiveable note but not anticipating it so and I have a feeling the movie will get in F... sorry movie...

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Again I Look Towards The Sky,

Wishing For Raindrops To Fall And Mix With The Tears I Cry.
Just a random quote today people, but I have been thinking I like to research the myth and legends of creatures I am thinking about going to see if I can get a degree in folklore, and then maybe teach that would be great, or maybe get a degree in legal studies and then off to law school... I don't know wish something would just show me a sign what I should do, where I should be, I feel like I am lost in the woods, with no place to go.

Here I Sit In The Woods
Contemplating My Moods
Again I Look Towards The Sky
Wishing For Raindrops To Mix With The Tears I Cry
I Feel Lost No Place To Go
I feel so Cold Down To My Core
I Am Looking For A Sign
That My Future Is Mine
I Must Find This Sign
But First I Must Leave The Woods Behind

Saturday, October 17, 2009


Okay so I have an issue with Twilight most who know me know I am obsessed with vampires, but don't know how much, I have read almost every vampire book, research the folklore on them, if I could I would become an expert in vampires, werewolves, and other things... anyways the book and the movie, (yes I finished them back off you can't review something if you don't read or watch it, which means you can't belittle it or burn it!) The movie gets an F sorry I just can't give something good grade if they can't at least somewhat keep to the books main points, they interpreted a lot in the movie, and some scenes may have been better left alone enough said on that, did not like the movie, but others out there did. (I will get to the vampires in a moment calm down). Okay the main thing that gets me (in the book and the movie another reason the movie gets in F) and why I give the book a D+, the vampires... no where I mean nowhere... are there vampires who sparkle, I can forgive the fact that they come out in the sun, some very good books and movies allowed them to, and a lot of folklore give it to the pale skin why they can not come out and it diminished their powers, research it if you don't believe me, I can even forgive the rip off parts from other movies, books, and other media matrial but what I can't is that the sun does nothing to them but make them sparkle in this book and movie... can't stand it, and really the characters in the book a million times better then in the movie, I can almost stand the book, but some part of me can't get past the who destroying the myth of the vampire thing, I mean I have researched a lot of myths, on creation, on how they live, but come on make them sparkle? Vampires should have a fear factor about them, and the sparkle thing just wants to make me laugh at the stupid stupid vampire... vampires should as I said have some fear factor about them, not that they can't be funny, but really how can you fear that? Other then that if you take out that stupid part, the story line is the basic for most recent vampire loves a human story line, with a few complications, like come on, you say you love this girl but you don't want to be with her forever?????? Turn her end of story, anyways as a pro I guess you could say the story line does seem to flow with a few key action parts, so if you can forget about the rip off parts, and the sparkle factor you may have a couple of hours of entertainment, but buy in hardcover, spend the 7 on the paper back if you want to buy other then that checkout at the library or borrow a copy! Also I will not grade or write about New Moon until after the movie comes out, I will do both the movie and book at the same time for this again, please do no take offense but I have strong opinions and they are going to get on peoples' nerves.


Overall grade: C+
Okay, so zombieland is funny, I don't care who you are if you don't laugh at least once in this movie see a shrink okay! But the plot was kinda missing you never know what really happens at the end of a zombie movie, but come on, you should have some type of plot point, that is what I really miss out of a lot of zombie movies, yes, it is fun to go out and watch people kill zombies using funny objects but still you can only see it a few times before you wonder where the plot went to... but this one did have a quest so a plus! I would say go see it even if for these two words Bill Murry... won't say anymore, but funny!


Okay so here is the deal I am going to be review things books movies when ever I see one or finish one... now here is the thing some ground rules so to say I will not review something I have not read or watched, if you want to comment please make sure you know what you are talking about, I will give a grade based on my point of view, you do not have to agree with it I wouldn't want you too, I will not describe the book or movie, I will give a couple pros a couple cons and a grade nothing fancy something for a person to think about really that is is I have been know to be harsh so really don't take offense or start commenting about my lack of taste or what not, I gave Stars Wars a D, the new Star Trek Movie a C+ okay so I am harsh deal with it, I look at stuff as a whole as well as separately look forward to the first review!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009


Okay so last night I had a dream i can't remember, but get this tonight... or this morning what ever I have been dozing, headache, but get this okay first I dreamt I dreamt of a bat, okay I was in my parents bed? I don't know because it looked like my parents room and bed but the curtains were not, anyways I hear a squeek squeek, I pull back the curtain and there is a huge ass bat, okay so I "wake" up go down and tell Matt my brother, now I know I am in my house, and tell him I dreamt of this huge bat go up and check with a flash light (I don't know why we just didn't turn on the light, so anyways next dream was that I was with my family some type of genetic genius okay and I did this thing where it mutated people into creatures, well this one guy found out injected himself with the stuff, and refused to take the antidote, well anyways there was a boy out there who was infected, and I had to get these pills to him, now my lab at the hospital (I am guessing... was like Spores but like 3D and I could make people into those creatures!) So I run out no car keys nothing to get to this I escape this mad man that I have security to go help my mom! now I get to this store it is raining yes raining at first it is like target or something inside but it isn't it is a grocery store, well this is a little piece of paper that has four obituaries on it, the one I saw was Don Knots died at 61 or 81 on Nov 1st or Dec 1st but he is already dead yes I know, anyways I run into this person I know she use to be my neighbor, Carrie she is shopping, anyways I tell her I am some type of genetic genius and ask to use her car, my phone vibrates but I have a old phone of mine the little gray one my second with US Cellular, anyways I try to call on it and it gives that message you need a major cc or whatever okay, but the funny thing is I am in our 93 white and blue huge passenger van but I don't have the keys, I had asked to borrow Carrie's car when I was leaving, so after I mess with the van get in check the mirror in the visor, I find Carrie's car, it is like a Lamborghini!, anyways I have issues driving it and go though roads go though grass miss trees, all without an issue, but I get to the highway I see mom and Mick ahead of me in the truck there is a toll we stop I yell to mom I am right behind them to pay for me, and then I pull up and stop and the toll lady says the don't normally let people do that but she will make the exception and has me sign something with my inatials something and then I wake up! Okay so I am weird I know this but I am typing it now so I don't forget ! Later

Monday, October 12, 2009


My Dad and I When I Was A Baby

No Dreams

Okay so I have not had anymore more dreams I don't know if that is good or bad... sometimes, I forget the pain them I will turn around and it is back. everything reminds me of my dad, he should be here, he shouldn't have died.... Why did God take my dad, I know everything happens for a reason but why... I want to know now not down the road!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Dreams.... Again!

I had a dream last night or it seemed like one I really can't remember seeing anything but I remember talking to my dad... he asked me a question we are talking about mom I said no that was my answer and then he asked why should you? Then I woke up...

Friday, October 9, 2009


Mom bought me Season 4 of BONES!!!!!!! I get to go home and watch the new show tonight, and Eastwick and Modern Family and FlashFoward and Cougertown and... DOLLHOUSE!!!!!!! I have to buy season one of that.... I am hoping for a few good days of weather so they can put dad's stone in... it is weird having to worry about that... there was oatmeal raisin cookies today I grabed one for dad to take home... he loved those cookies and anytime I found them I would grab at least one for him... I go in to Kwik Star and stop myself from buy lotto scratch tickets I would buy them for him all the time, I can't actually believe I am saying this but I miss the smell of his cigarettes, I would be buying him peeps and those peanut butter kisses... all this halloween candy... I try to go aobut my day as normal but it is hard and nothing will be normal again... anyways still no understanding about my weird dreams... and they are weird....

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Dreams And What They Mean

I don't know what my dream was about the other night (Tuesday) but it has been bothering me it was so real, dad came back I hugged him he felt like he did at the funeral home, cold so cold, he was sitting on the couch, I was happy to see him we all were but we were so angry at him, I could feel the anger inside of me, when I woke up I could still feel him and that anger I had towards him in the dream... it doesn't make since what could it mean, I won't even go into the other dream I had that night that was just very weird.... if anybody can interpret dreams let me know what it could mean, I have gone though my anger stage that is why I don't understand this dream, that is the first stage I went though....

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Camp Lejeune

The military has poisoned the marines that were stationed in Camp Lejeune... and they won't help them, there are 20 men from Camp Lejeune that have breast cancer some without health insurance and the government that these men fought for, won't help them at all!!!! The government has to own up to its mistakes!!!!! The water was contaminated they knew about it in the 60's but it was 85 before they stopped using the water!!!!!! And these men as well as everyman that lived there has to pay the price, from research done on this not only the men that developed breast cancer was effected but it shortened the lives of other marines it is effecting their children and grandchildren, it is effecting the nation, most marines go though Camp Lejeune!!!! Call your congressman and sentor and tell them the government has to own up to their mistakes and take care of the men that served at Camp Lejeune and all the men and women who serve this country of our!!!!!


Last night Kim, Mom and I were talking about guys... go figure me and my sister talking about guys but, mom asked if we met anybody chase worthy... both of us answered no... I don't know if my sister was telling the truth but me I haven't found anybody, I will know him when I met him but first I have to met him... I want a man with blue eyes, dark hair, kind, loyal, wouldn't hurt if he was in the military, respectful, sweet, manly, smart, doesn't smoke, or drink to much... anyways I had a messed up dream, Mick picked me up in his truck and the door wouldn't close then we were driving up the bridge across downtown and then we ran into people!!!! they were sitting out partying so we got out found mom under the bridge (it was kind of rainy) and I went up the were offering green beer and lager, but I didn't take any, there was these food contests, I was in the kitchen somehow and there was a guy who was going to do something with his baby (have her be his sous chef) but she couldn't do it and brought her in the kitchen and he changed his shirt, there was chocolate with strawberries, and other fruit, I some of that then some m&ms that I dipped in chocolate then ate, then a man came up and started talking to me then I woke up... freaky....oh and somewhere in the middle of this I was searching for something and climbing on poles in front of people climbing on these not very study sets, and doing a tight rope type walk on a pole with only another pole to hang on to... there was a very far fall, but then I got to a certian point I guess I found what I was looking for I jumped down then went back to mom and then went to the crowd ending up in front of the contestents then ending up in the kitchen then eatting the chocolate covered treats, but the guy who came up and talked to me I think was one of the contestents... hmmm..... thinking..... what does it all mean....

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Something Evil This Way Comes

Funny how things get stuck in you head like a saying in a move like Something Evil This Way Comes... you could be sitting there thinking about light bulbs (talking to a guy asking for a light bulb) and then poof... it pops into your head... very evil...I HATE MY PHONE... it dies like after a few hours always having issues... all for a touch phone... should have stayed with my 4 year old razor... it still works but with no service....

Friday, October 2, 2009

You've Got To Stand For Something...

Or You Will Fall For Anything... the Aaron Tippen song is going though my head, lately music has just been flowing though my head, but I can't bring my self to listen to the music I love, me and dad loved the same type, though I liked a few more types... You know you have to to stand for something, you have to stand up for what you believe or people will suck you into a trap that you will never get out... I am going though a bit of writers block the only thing helping me get though some of these down times was typing out my story I wrote, but now that I have typed the story I wrote on paper almost completely, I can't seem to continue I have about 20 pages... but I don't know what should come next now that my team is going to go back home for the holidays... It is fall now... starting to get cold... I don't like the cold... Dad's stone is in, they can't set it until the weather breaks and as long as there is no frost... I am buying plots next to mom and dad.... kind of weird.... you know my big fear was losing them at the same time and I thought that was the way it was going to be, losing dad now was not what was suppose to happen it was suppose to be after I was older... after he was older... I also haven't bought anything but powerball since he passed except for shortly after I bought 1 I don't know why but I haven't since... I use to buy them all the time those scratch tickets... and joke when he was old and senile he would only go ticket when I came by... he wouldn't remember anything else just ticket... you never know what you will miss until you miss it, it is all those small things you barly noticed that you took for granted that you miss most of all, those everyday small things are the things you miss the most... You know things happen for a reason but only God can tell us what that reason is... I want to know now...anyways.... I was planing a trip... I was planning a big Chrismas... now now I am planing nothing.... Who wants to go to Vegas next year... I am going for a week for my birthday!!!!!

Saturday, September 26, 2009


I am getting headaches from a lot of things, besides the migranes I get, and besides the fact I think I am coming down with something again! But people can give you headaches, and paper work and a lot of things... like the VA for example... make you go to the place the person was discharged or where they enlisted to get all the infomation you want is just wrong... or the fact it takes 2 weeks to get a dd214... the governement needs an overhaul... I know put me in charge trust me stupid people won't exist in government anymore... and I will make processes people friendly... oh and free money for school... like me who wants to finish their degree but the government is making sure the poor stay poor... that that I consider my self poor, I just don't have 60k to get get my four year degree...

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Would anyone read this I wonder

Not would anybody read this blog but this story I am writing, it has helped me get though some of this just typing out the words I wrote, I started these stories long ago never finished them, they were for some classes in high school, one was for a class in college, but I don't think anybody would want to read them... one as I said is about a serial killer profiler, she has to find a killer before he finds her... and the other is a vampire one... I started that one in grade school but have written it over again... I like it, it is funny...

Songs keep coming into my head

Songs are still coming into my head, like God Bless America, and Fly like an Eagle, and others, kind of weird, I haven't been listening to music, but that is the way it goes I guess. I am getting more writing done at work, and other things done, then I do when I have nothing to do like when I go home, and sit there with a few hours ahead of me before I decide to go to bed. BONES IS ONE TONIGHT!!! And I don't get to watch it until Friday night sometime, most likely Tuesday because I work and I tend to do nothing when I get home... Late

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Things are still having to be done

Still doing a lot of things... found out today must have a meeting with our lawyer on Friday morning... anyways though it was just a hard day. I finally got caught up on some of my shows... BONES!!!!.... and Levarage, still waiting for House to be posted on fox.com. Project Runway also haven't completly seen about half way though, can't wait for next Bones!! Friday morning it will be on fox.com... going to try to get friday night off so I can go to BINGO with my family... later.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Time Keeps On Slipping Into The Furture

I have random songs just flying into my head today and I haven't listened to any music for over a month now... just at work right now, but since it is slow I have time to write, I am writing some of the stories I wrote when I was younger over, so they are more adult, there is one about a serial killer and the profilier, another is about an ex marine who gets into some trouble and her family is killed, and another has vampires demons and werewolves in it, I started writing the vampire one when I was aobut 10 so I have some work to do, the other two were for high school classes. Anyways back to the jukebox in my head for now... the voices are keeping me company... lol just joking I am not crazy... or am I?

Saturday, September 19, 2009


This is my dad's favorite flower a thistle and this is a my dad's Marine Corps picture.


Well I am at work yet again my family is at the cattle congress I wish I was there, I remember being young and going with my mom and dad it was the most fun a child could have, I remember walking around the animals and the butter cows, getting taffy eating those yummy mini donuts and grabbing about a million free knickknacks at the booths, playing those stupid can't win games but dad would win us something and it was like getting gold. I try to get though the days but when I sit alone with nothing to say nothing to do, or I get bored with my distraction, I have memories flood me, like the time I was 7 my dad made me a Barbie cake, it was a seven layer blue cake that he took a Barbie and stuck it in the top of the cake, another time, my brother was born and mom and him came home on my 5Th birthday and we were play hide and seek or something (me and the others were playing not the new baby) but my sister fell and hit her head and stopped breathing and we had to call the ambulance dad left to go over to kwik star for something came back they went up to the hospital, a very dramatic birthday! But my dad made up for it he took me to see Bambi in the theater just me and him then there was a cake and presents! I have had good birthdays since but those are a couple of my best, this last being the worse being the first without dad, these holidays are going to suck dad liked thanksgiving, he hated Christmas but that is to be expected, his parents were killed in an accident on Christmas Eve and my brother Mitchell was stillborn on Dec 19Th. Halloween is coming up I remember getting dressed up and my dad was would help I would go a a witch every year, he made the costume for me, I loved it, my face would be painted green and I would have the hat and the broom and 2 bags, one for me and one for the "baby" in the car... that would be my father, or when he walked with us he would have 2 bags one for him and one for one of my siblings, he then would check the candy and take "checking fee" which was certain pieces of candy, like almond joys... people say things happen for a reason but what why take my dad from us, I know things do happen for a reason because if my grandparents had not been killed in the accident when my dad was 16, and his car hadn't broke down coming back from the Marine Corps my parents wouldn't have met and had us, but why dad why now he was only 50 and it is not like any of us is leaving or any of us are coming back home we are all in Waterloo, so the reason I know now hopefully it I won't have to wait to long to find out. The image is a nine pointed star, which I am going to get a tattoo of, one point for me and each of my siblings!

Friday, September 11, 2009

Worst Birthday Coming Up Ever

Already bored at work go figure... My birthday is Monday and it is going to be the worse birthday ever for those who know me know why for those who don't my father John C. Rochholz passed away on Augest 15th, he was only 50 and it was so sudden. Mom and I spent the day with him rode bikes, played a stupid game, something with the word golf but we are though balls to try to land them on a plastic rail thing, then went shopping we just bought him new cloths for school (he was going school to get his Class A CDL) and found a pair of jeans in his size really nice for only a couple of dollars at Kmart, then went back to the campsite (we were camping) and he chopped some wood and started a fire, had some heartburn, told me to cook the steak him and mom would be back after picking up mason (one of my 4 brothers) and instead my uncle came and picked me up, I knew then I felt it, it is the worst thing that has ever happend, and the furnerl home and the cemetary and everybody is just throwing so much at you and you have to make a choice now and ugh it is just horrible, then the person at the cemetary told my mom if my dad had come in and got his plot when he was alive it would have been free now they couldn't have told them that when we had to bury 3 of my brothers ( I have 7, 3 were stillborn), it is horrible, I miss him so, sometimes I still thinkg this is a nightmare and I am going to wake up it doesn't feel real though I know it is and it will hit me and I will just cry, and everybody is asking how are you how is your mom how is your family doing, how do you think we are doing is what I want to reply it is so stupid to ask that bloody question! A big chunk of our life was taken from us with out cause or reason and so suddenly, he was fine no issues and only 50! Really put yourself in the same shoes how would you be doing? I just want to snap at them but I don't it is rude, and my parents brought me up not to be so rude, though I can get rude and loud at people, and snap at them without cause I just don't put up with stupid people or people who clearly shouldn't be doing what they are doing, or ones that can't read their own guidelines (Talking about companies here) Anyways Later